Lucy(fer), The Atomic Farter, and The Sh*t Head

We have three dogs. Why do we have three dogs? Probably because we’re crazy.

We had two dogs, which was manageable, but then we found Lucy(fer).


 
 

I have a friend who runs an animal rescue organization. He posted a video of new dogs at the city shelter on his Facebook page, and I clicked on it. Why!? why!? why!? did I click on it? Probably because I am crazy. Anyway, I saw Lucy. She looked so much like our dog, Toby (The Atomic Farter), when he was younger so I went to show Christian. He looked at her info for a while, and then told me to close the computer before we ended up with a third dog. I did, and I thought we were done.

Two days later, he called me at work. “Guess where I am?” he said. Yes, he was at the shelter. He said he had gone there to “rule her out” but couldn’t. The next day we schlepped the kids and the other two dogs back there to make sure that everyone could get along, and ended up bringing her home.

She’s been a (big) bit of a challenge. I think the main problem is that she she still has a little puppy in her (she’s a year-and-a-half). Our other two dogs are old, and we haven’t been in the puppy game for a while. We aren’t used to dealing with chewing, jumping, running away, etc, and there have been days when we were ready to throw in the towel (like when she ate her own poop and threw it up in our bedroom and Christian had to wear a respirator while he cleaned it up because it smelled so bad). 

But she is SO sweet. She is awesome with the kids, especially Colin, who can be a little rough. The other day Colin jumped in the air and landed on her stomach with his knees (I’m sure there’s some professional wrestling term for that, but I don’t know it). She didn’t even move. She was just happy to be getting attention. She plays with the kids and runs around with them, and they love it. We just need to break her of some bad habits.
 
 
As I said, she looks a lot like our dog Toby did when he was younger. This is Toby several years ago:


 
 
This is Toby now, a little fatter and grayer:


 
 
Toby was between three- and five-years-old when we rescued him, meaning he is between 11 and 13 now. He has been the best.dog.ever, but he has a pancreatic tumor, or insulinoma. When we found out 19 months ago, the vet told us that he only had six months to live. It has been amazing that he has been with us this long, but we are starting to think his days are numbered. The fact that he is sick is probably the real reason we have three dogs now. Most likely we won’t have three dogs for too long. We are afraid that his cancer has spread because he is not digesting his food well and he has the worst.gas.ever, hence the name The Atomic Farter. Seriously, I have smelled some bad canine gas before, but this is FOUL. It makes noise, too, which scares him and makes him jump. It’s pretty funny, but it would be much funnier if it didn’t smell so bad.

Then there’s Ally. She’s a Shih Tzu, but sometimes she’s a pain in the a**, so we’ve always called her Sh*t Head. Ally is 12. She was my dog for two years before Christian and I started dating. She was p*ssed when he came along and he kicked her out of the bed. She has since adjusted though, and I think she’s quite fond of him now, especially since he’s the one who feeds her each night.
 
 
I used to keep her groomed all of the time. When she is groomed, she looks something like this:

 
 
Sadly for Ally, now that we have human children, our furry kids don’t get as much attention. We have less time and less money with which to get her to the doggie salon, so she spends a lot of time looking like this:


 
 
Look closely to see her crooked teeth and underbite. She also has a crooked eye, but her fur is covering it in this picture. She was a pet shop dog (please don’t be mad at me, Animal Lovers! I was young and I didn’t know anything about puppy mills. I promise I will never purchase a dog again). She was supposed to be a show-quality purebred. After I bought her, I took her to the vet to have her checked out, and he pointed out the crooked eye and the teeth. I didn’t want to get rid of her, but didn’t think I should have to pay full-price for a dog who was supposed to be a show-quality purebred and wasn’t, so I went back to the store and they gave me a partial refund. Yes, she was a discount dog with the face only a crazy person could love.

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8 thoughts on “Lucy(fer), The Atomic Farter, and The Sh*t Head

  1. We’re going through something similar. Our dog is 12.5 & has struggled this past year. She’s never fully recovered from her shots last May. She is getting slower & slower everyday. And her breath is atrocious. Today a friend posted a video of a lost golden retriever on her facebook & it was all I could do to not click the video. We’ll definitely get another dog when Charlie dies, but I’m really fighting the urge to get another dog now. I didn’t need the temptation today.

    Don’t feel bad about the pet shop thing. I did that to with a cat. At least you got a partial refund. All I got was a cat who peed all over my utility room 😉

  2. Ok so now I am going to call you a little bit crazy. 3 dogs and 3 little kids? You must never sleep. LOL I’m only busting your chops. We are pet free at the moment and have sworn to not get another until the kids are begging us mercifully. There is no way we could handle having one now.

  3. Oh no we are the same with 3 dogs! We just adopted our neighbors dog, they were going to give him up after 5 years because it was too much for them. We’ll also “soon” have 3 kids. 3 kids, 3 dogs. I look at it as a dog per kid. it works out.

  4. Before I had a kid and I heard people say, “You can’t possibly love a dog/cat/hamster, etc, as much as you love your child.” I thought those people were assholes because my dogs were my kids-and obviously I loved my dogs waaaay more than they loved theirs. But they were right and I feel a little guilty for the lack of attention my dogs get now.
    Thanks for letting me share. LOL…
    Besides the poop regurgitation, Lucy seems like the perfect dog for the kids. 🙂

  5. I read this post immediately after the one with the letter to Amy, so in the span of 10 minutes you made me swing from crying to hysterical laughter. I feel like Charlie Sheen.

    • Michelle-You made me snort when I read this comment. We seriously need to meet IRL some day. 🙂

  6. Pingback: 2011 didn’t suck (or blow) | My Minivan Rocks!

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