Update on Colin’s birthmom

Colin’s birthmom came home from prison about two weeks ago. She is on house arrest, but she can leave to go to school and work. She seems to be doing really well. She has been looking for a job (she thinks she found one) and she has been finishing up her financial aid and college registration (she will start in a few weeks).

She got out on a Monday, and said she would call when she got home. We didn’t hear from her for a few days, and I started to get a little worried. It’s funny that the thing everyone worries about with open adoption is that the birthparent will want too much contact. I was getting a little nervous that now that she was out and had other things to think about that we would not hear from her again. She did call on Thursday though. There was a lot of noise in the background and she sounded a little overwhelmed. She said that she was sorry she had not called sooner, but that things had been crazy since she had been home, with visitors in and out. Then she told me that she was so glad that Colin was with us, that he looked so happy in his pictures, and she was thankful that we had kept in touch with her. I told her that we were thankful to have Colin, that we were taking good care of him, and that we loved him very much. Then she talked to Christian for a few minutes, and we agreed to talk after the weekend.

We have talked twice since then. I put Colin on the phone the second time and told him it was his “Mama Amy.” He said hi, and then he kissed the phone. He has never done anything like that, so it was pretty cute.

We are planning to visit her at the end of May. I’m excited, but nervous, too. We will be going to her sister’s house and it sounds like there will be a lot of family there, so I hope it’s not too overwhelming.

When Colin was born, we gave Amy a heart necklace. On one of our phone conversations, she said, “I didn’t know that you got a necklace for you that matches mine! Amber [her sister] just told me that. That’s so sweet!”

The only problem is that we did not get a matching necklace for me. It would have been a very good idea, but we didn’t do it. She sounded so happy about it, and I didn’t want to disappoint her, so I lied. I’m a terrible person. I just said, “Oh yeah,” and she continued to gush about it.

I told Christian what a horrible person I was later, and he said, “Why didn’t you just tell her?” I have no idea. Like I said, she just sounded so happy. He suggested that we could go back to the same jewelry store when we go to visit, but that’s probably a long shot. It’s been two years. I’m not sure if I would even remember which store or necklace it was.

I called her the next day and came clean. I apologized that I had lied about it. She laughed (phew). She sounded touched that I had been honest about it and said it was no big deal. She said, “That is so sweet that you told me that. Thank you.”

Christian and I decided to send her a gift card so that she can buy clothes, school supplies, groceries, etc. Obviously she does not have much right now. Like I wrote recently about money in open adoptions, it’s hard to know what is appropriate, but we felt like we should do something.

Anyway, things seem good for now. We really hope that she is able to stay clean and get on the right track. It definitely seems like she wants to, but I know it will be hard for her. She has a lot of obstacles to face.

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