When Christian and I adopted Zoe two years ago in Vietnam, we thought she would be our last child. We thought Noah and Zoe were it. Christian has one brother who is 16 months older than he is, so he always wanted to have two children close together. I was an only child, so I just knew I wanted more than one child. Before we got married, I told Christian I wanted to have two or three children. I really thought I only wanted two, but I didn’t want to shut that door before I even knew what it was like to have children.
Back when we thought we were only having two children, our plan was to celebrate the anniversary of Zoe’s G&R as our Family Day, or the day our family was complete. We thought that rather than just make it a day for Zoe, we would make it a day for all of us. We bought gifts for Noah and Zoe in Vietnam that we planned to give to them each year on our Family Day.
Well, now that plan doesn’t work so well. We only bought two of everything, so we don’t have stuff to give Colin. I’m sure we could get more stuff. I’ve found several things online, and we definitely plan on going back to Vietnam in the next several years. But then what do we do for Colin’s Family Day? We would celebrate on September 23rd, the day we went to court to finalize his adoption. Colin’s birth father was Hispanic, probably from Mexico. We will be going to Cabo again next year, so we could look for stuff there, but is that even appropriate? We don’t know if his birth father was really FROM Mexico, or if he was a 2nd, 3rd, 4th generation American. We have no idea how important Mexican culture would have been to him.
And if Zoe and Colin both get special days, shouldn’t Noah get a Family Day too? I think I could look back and figure out when I found out I was pregnant, the first time we saw his heartbeat, etc, and we could make one of those days his Family Day. But if we are doing gifts on Family Day, what the heck do we do for Noah’s day?
Maybe we skip the gifts and just make Family Days times for us to make sure we do something together. But then what do we do with all of that stuff from Vietnam? We could give it to them on Christmas. Colin’s birth mom’s sister sent gifts for all three of them for Christmas this year, so maybe that’s Colin’s “adoption” gift? But then I don’t want to count on that each year either. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won’t. I don’t want to set that up as part of a tradition and then have him end up being disappointed if it doesn’t happen. Is it OK to just give them gifts from Vietnam, or would we be excluding Colin’s adoption by doing so?
I would appreciate thoughts on this!