I think I’ve forgotten how to sleep with my husband

I don’t mean THAT kind of “sleep with.” Jeez. Get your mind out of the gutter. I just mean that I don’t remember how to sleep in the same bed with him.

See, since we brought Colin home, Christian and I have been trading sleepless nights getting up with the baby. Christian sleeps one night while I do the night feedings, then vice-versa. We’ve kept Colin in the room with us so that we can respond to his crying quickly and not wake the other two kids. We decided that it was better for us to just sleep in different rooms, so that the Colin and the on-duty parent wouldn’t disturb the sleeping parent.

I stayed in our bedroom, and Christian has been sleeping in the basement. He’s even turned it into his own little bachelor pad, complete with clothes on the floor and dirty dishes everywhere. In fact, I realized the other day that while I have changed the sheets on “my” bed several times in the past three months, his haven’t been changed once (and worse, he tells me that was typical when he was in an “actual” bachelor pad). Ick. Anyway, Colin has slept through the night for the past three nights, 10pm to 7:30am (though I probably just jinxed it by announcing it to the world), so we decided to put Colin in his room and Christian came back to our room.

It was HORRIBLE. I don’t think either one of us slept well, and we both LOVE to sleep. First, he went to bed earlier than I did, which we never did before. By the time I came to bed, he was snoring like an asthmatic grizzly bear. That meant that I could not sleep, and my tossing and turning woke him up. He fell back asleep, and then my coughing started. He opened his eyes just long enough to give me a dirty look. I finally fell asleep, and then he sucker-punched me in the kidney as he turned over.

He hogged the bed all night, too. I wanted to scream, “He’s on my side!” like I did when I was a kid on long car rides with my cousin Shannon, but I realized: a) that’s an annoying thing for a kid to do, so it would be way worse coming from a woman in her 30s, and b) there was no one else there to listen to me anyway.

Also, even though we have gone to sleep with the television on (with the sleep timer) every night since we started sleeping in the same bed seven years ago, suddenly this bothers him. At one point he turned over and said, “Can I turn off the TV?”

Since I was far from sleeping I said, “I just reset the sleep timer.”

Irritated, he said, “So I guess that’s a ‘no’?”

I just giggled. I don’t think that was the answer he was looking for.

I almost got up and went to sleep in the basement at about 4am, but then I remembered how gross the sheets were.


7 thoughts on “I think I’ve forgotten how to sleep with my husband

  1. LMAO!!! Yes, definately go change those sheets! My husband was gone for a 5 month school 3000 miles from home; I know exactly what you mean (he probably didn’t change his sheets much either, LOL).

  2. This post made me chuckle. Been there, done that. But the snoring is the worst. The couch is my favorite place when the noice is too deafening.

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