Today marks the end of the adoption agreement (MOU) between the United States and Vietnam. I hope the two countries can work together to create a new system that is ethical and transparent, and that protects the children of Vietnam and their birth families. In the meantime, I hope those children who are truly orphans will find good homes in the other countries that Vietnam continues to work with.
My heart goes out to all of those who were hoping to adopt from Vietnam, but did not get their official referrals before today’s deadline. It turns out that, if Colin had not come into our lives and we had stayed in the Vietnam program, we would not have had a referral by today. As we spent this weekend at the lake and Colin went on his first pontoon boat ride, I could not help but think how different these past few days would have been for us. Our wonderful lake weekend could just as easily been a time of sadness and crushed adoption dreams.
I hope that this does not come off as sounding trite to those who are now left trying to figure out how they will build their familes, but I truly believe that things happen for a reason. Sometimes it’s just not easy to see what that reason is in the middle of the turmoil. We had to go through fertility treatments and a miscarriage before we had Noah. It was horrible, but if it had happened any other way, we would not have Noah. As much as it hurt to lose that child, I know now that we would not have THIS child if things had been different, and I simply cannot fathom that. And, if we had not had such a hard time getting pregnant, maybe we would not have thought so seriously about adoption. We had talked about adoption as something we would like to do “someday,” but if fertility issues had not motivated us to think about it more seriously, we would not have Zoe. Similarly, if we had not heard rumblings that the Vietnam program would close, we would not have submitted our file to adopt domestically when we did, and we would not have Colin. If things had been different we would have children, but we would not have THESE children, and I simply cannot imagine my life without THEM. They are the reason for (and the reward for) the difficult times we have been through. Now the hard times seem to make sense.
I hope that those of you who are still waiting find your “reason” very soon.