Three little monkeys jumping on (in) the bed

 

Happy Birthday Zoe!

Out of the Mouths: “…sometimes”

In Noah’s pre-school class, the teachers and students were discussing being thankful. Noah told the class, “I am thankful for my sister…sometimes.”

Fun with Bubble Wrap

They think packing materials are fun…

I just wish they were old enough to help pack boxes!

Trafficking reports raise heart-wrenching questions for adoptive parents

From the Los Angeles Times:

Trafficking reports raise heart-wrenching questions for adoptive parents

The Puppy, the Princess, and the Policeman (or Happy Halloween!)

 

 

Tet Trung Thu

At the beginning of October, Noah, Zoe, and I went to a celebration at a local Vietnamese Buddhist temple for Tet Trung Thu (the Mid-Autumn Moon Festival). What’s even worse than the fact that I am posting these more than five weeks later is that we went with Kelli and Aiden, and Kelli posted hers the night of the event!

The temple itself is beautiful. There had been a very small temple there for some time, but they built this one new one about a year ago. It’s really pretty impressive that this temple is in the middle of our midwestern city. I think there are about eight Vietnamese Buddhist nuns who live there. I didn’t get any great pictures of the temple, but some day (in my spare time, right?) I’d like to go back and take some.

Anyway, the program that night was for kids. We sang some songs in English and Vietnamese, had a Vietnamese meal, had a lantern procession, released lotus blossom candles into the water, watched a play, and had a dragon dance.

 

All of the kids outside the temple:

 

Two of the nuns:

 

The dragon dance:

 

One of the sisters banging the gong during the dragon dance:

 

Noah and Zoe during the procession with the lotus blossom candles:

 

Releasing the candles into the water:

 

Chloe and Zoe during the lantern procession (Chloe is just a couple of months younger than Zoe and is from the same province in Vietnam):

 

Zoe in front of a stone pillar with a map of Vietnam:

We close in two weeks and I haven’t packed one d*mn box

Yep, that’s right – not one.single.box. I’m starting to freak out a little. We close on our current house on November 23rd at 9am. We close on the new house at 4pm the same day. We don’t actually move until two weeks after we close, so technically I have four weeks left, but the clock is ticking. When I am really stressed out, I have recurring dreams about packing for trips and not getting to the airport on time. Now I am having recurring dreams about PACKING A HOUSE and moving WITH THREE SMALL CHILDREN. Ugh. Thankfully, Christian finally agreed that we do indeed need to hire packers/ movers (but we need to try to do at least some of it on our own to save money).

It’s not that I have been lazy or anything. There have just been so many other things to do. First, since we sold our house in two days, we had to work double-time to find a new house. We really thought we might have to move in with Christian’s parents. I was so happy when we found something, not only because it meant we didn’t have to move twice, but also because living in my husband’s parents’ basement with three kids and two dogs didn’t sound like my idea of a good time. Don’t get me wrong. We are thankful that we had that option and we would have made it work if we had to, but I AM SO GLAD WE DIDN’T HAVE TO.

With inspections, appraisals, the mortgage application, etc, I already feel like I am drowning. Then add insurance conpanies and contractors into the mix. After the inspection on our current house, they determined that we have hail damage to our roof and we have to replace it before the closing, but our insurance company has not paid us yet.  Did I mention that the closing IS IN TWO WEEKS? Then, at the new house, there is an insurance claim for the kitchen floor. The contractor the current homeowner hired didn’t show up twice, and neither the homeowner nor I thought that was a good sign. We got bids from two other people, and now we’re trying to figure out how to get the work done before we move.

We have been working hard at purging things we don’t need. A friend is pregnant with a boy, so we’ve LOADED her car up twice with clothes, a bassinet, a high chair, walker, toys, etc. We also sold some stuff to a re-sale shop. Last night I went through everything in our bathroom. I got rid of two trashbags full of stuff. Some of it was expired medicine or just junk, but a lot of it was make-up, hair accessories, and fancy lotions. I put what little make-up I do wear on in the car, so I really don’t have much use for all of that crap anymore.

Two of Christian’s friends have taken furniture from our basement that we don’t need, and this morning I loaded a TV and TV stand into my co-worker’s hatchback (she carpools with her husband, and I have no idea where he’s going to sit on the way home). We’re still trying to unload some other stuff. Anyone need an L-shaped desk, a treadmill, an exercise bike, a TV stand, a loveseat, flowery decorations for a bathroom (shower curtain, two rugs, two pictures, accessories), insect/ butterfly/ dragonfly/ bee decorations for a baby’s or kid’s room, or puppy decorations for a baby’s or kid’s room?

Anyway, since we’ve been so busy, I am WAY BEHIND on the blog. I have lots of pictures from October that I need to post, and I’m going to do my best to get them up this week!

To cut, or not to cut?

Colin has the best hair. It’s thick and wavy. I thought it would look cute a little longer, so I’ve been letting it grow. Lately, though, I’m wondering if he’s starting to look too much like Rod Blagojevich.

  

Should we get it cut, or wait it out?

Why we are moving (an open letter on diversity)

This is going to be a long one, so grab your coffee (or a glass of wine) and settle in.

I know many people who read my blog are from the adoption community, and may have multiracial, multicultural families. These readers probably understand why Christian and I believe that it is best for our family to live in an area that is more diverse than where we live now. These people have read the same research and personal anecdotes that we have, and they have talked to adult adoptees and social workers who stress the importance of living in areas with diversity. These people “get it.”

However, many people who read are “regular” friends and family, who have not had the opportunity (or the inclination) to research diversity issues. I certainly understand that. When we bought our current house, we didn’t really give diversity a second thought. We just liked the house, we liked the area, we could get more house for the money in that particular area than we could other places, and it was in a good school district. At the time, we thought it was the house we were going to be in forever. We had only been married five months, and our plan was to have two biological children. Now that we have three children, two of whom are minorities, our feelings are different.

I know that to many, it may seem that this move is a sudden one. I assure you that it is not. While the actual process of the move is happening much more quickly than we anticipated, it is something that we have been talking about for more than three years, since before we brought Zoe home.

One exercise a social worker described to us a couple of years ago that really stuck with me was this:

Take an empty jar and a collection of marbles. White marbles represent white people. Marbles of color represent people of color. Place a marble in the jar for every person in your life. You start with your family, then your friends, then your neighbors. Then move on to your dentist, your doctor, your lawyer, co-workers, and the people at your church or other social networks. Then look at the kids at your children’s school, and their teachers.

When Christian and I do this exercise, our lives are pretty white. We have colored marbles for Zoe and Colin and for a few other people, but most of the marbles in the jar are white. We don’t think it is right to live in a jar with only white marbles. We want to live in an area that is diverse, not in an area where our children are the diversity.

Christian took the time last week to write a letter to our families trying to explain our position, and he did an excellent job. Most of the text that follows comes from his letter, but I have made some edits and additions.

 

Dear Friends and Family,

After having a talk with my brother about reasons for our move, I have realized how especially “in-the-dark” our families feel about our decision. My first reaction was that I don’t have to justify our decision to anyone because these are our kids and we are their parents. We are making decisions based on what we believe to be in their best interest, and that should be enough. However, my discussion with my brother has led me to realize that it might be easier if we shared our reasoning more openly so everyone has a chance to understand. In addition, if everyone who influences our children’s lives gains an understanding of our perspective, this will also benefit our children.

Most of the time I communicate better in writing, so while I am happy to have open discussions about the subject, I am choosing this way to outline our position so that I can do it in my most proficient forum for communication. It can be difficult in a face-to-face since sometimes it feels that the outside perception is that we are actually downgrading the children’s education, or placing them in a worse environment due to socio-economic factors by choosing [the new school district]. This makes me react defensively and choose not to talk about it. I revert to the thought that others “just don’t get it,” so I don’t attempt to make them understand. Some of this is due to the fact that, unfortunately, there is a tight time line all of the sudden and I feel I don’t have the time or energy to go through all the pros and cons with everyone.

I don’t have time to cite full examples or pull together all the information and sources that have led to this decision, so my reasons will just have to be taken at face value for the time being. To begin, I would like to point out that it was not our intention to have such a tight time line. No one could possibly imagine that we would sell our house in two days. Yes, the purpose of listing it was to see if we could attract any first-time home buyers before the $8,000 tax credit expired, and that is exactly what happened. However, even though I thought we would sell our house, I think I was in denial about the ramifications of it, and I certainly didn’t think it would happen that fast.

We have an interracial, intercountry, intercultural family. These things cannot be overlooked or ignored. We have researched, read, spoken to professionals, attended panel discussions, soul searched, and conversed with other adoptive families and adult adoptees to form the basis of how we intend to handle these tough subjects as our children grow older. One of the steps we are taking to attempt to enrich our children’s lives is to participate in a school system that is racially diverse. There are pros and cons to this approach, but our conclusion is that the pros outweigh the cons.  

First, we believe that it is difficult to be a minority (especially if you were also adopted). Any way that we can alleviate that difficulty for Zoe and Colin will be helpful. They will have more opportunities to be able to relate their thoughts and concerns about their heritage to their peers when there are more classmates of non-white heritages with whom to be friends.

When we say this, some people ask, “Well, what about Noah?” Our answer is that Noah will be fine. First, we are not moving somewhere where there are no white kids, so Noah will have plenty of peers like him. Second, while Noah is not a minority himself, the uniqueness of our family will certainly shape him. We think it is just as important for him to be around people of other races.

Another concern voiced is, “Along with racial diversity comes economic diversity and many negative things like apathetic parenting that can ruin the educational environment.” Well, yes, but that is the real world isn’t it? You get out of an education what you put into it, just like you get out of life what you put into it. And we certainly don’t intend to be apathetic parents. We as parents have the responsibility to make sure our kids are getting positive gains out of their education and to supplement that education as much as we can. And let’s not forget here that the high school we are talking about consistently ranks as one of the top high schools in the country.

Additionally, we have researched the school district in depth. The district is divided into three areas. We have chosen a house in the area with the highest test scores and the lowest turnover. The area we have chosen has the least amount of apartments and the highest percentage of homeowners with young children. Therefore, it has the least transient school-age population.

Second, since it is difficult to be a minority, we believe that it is beneficial for a minority child to have opportunities to find positive adult role models who share their heritage. The concern voiced here is, “But you and Tracy are positive role models and there are other opportunities to find positive role models outside of school.” While that is true, it takes real effort to seek out role models outside of your current social network. It is much easier when it is just part of daily life. Plus, we don’t feel it is necessary to trade one thing for the other. While we will be in a more diverse area, we will continue to pursue additional socialization, like attending activities sponsored by the local Vietnamese American Society and the Mexican Embassy in our city. We will be able to pursue both approaches.

Also, is not just that a child can look up to or make friends with another minority adult or child, but it is also important that they are accepted in spite of (or because of) their heritage. An environment where they feel singled out or hear racially insensitive remarks is not ideal. The obvious argument here is, “But those things will happen anywhere and at any school.” While that’s probably true, it doesn’t make it right, nor does it take away the pain that those things inflict upon a child. We feel that our best chance to minimize that effect is to choose schools with demographics that are more racially diverse. While the kids may still hear those insensitive things, at least they will be with other minorities who will share the experience and can sympathize. With a good support system in friends and teachers, we feel that the net effect is a positive one. We have heard from adult minorities many times that the argument “everyone gets picked on for something, being fat, being skinny, wearing glasses, etc.” does not apply to the pain inflicted by racial discrimination. The feeling we have heard expressed is that it would be easier to deal with if the minority child was not alone. Tracy, Noah, and I unfortunately do not qualify as equals in this battle no matter how much we love and support Zoe and Colin, how much we demonstrate our desire to end racial discrimination, or how many minority people we befriend.

Ultimately, it is important to us that our children have a wide world view and open minds, and we feel that this is a very challenging thing to achieve in middle of the United States. We discussed moving to a different part of the country, but decided we didn’t want to move away from our family and friends. We feel the best solution for us now is to move to [the new] township, so that we can take advantage of the diversity the schools have to offer.

We will ALWAYS act in what we feel is in the best interest of our children. If there were ever any concerns that we felt would not be worth the benefit we feel we get from sending our children to [the new township], we would rectify them, either by switching to a private school, or moving. No one can predict the future, but right now this is the best decision for our family. Certainly, the other reasons we decided to move that we have mentioned are much easier to understand (more room, renovation potential, lasting home values). The reason for targeting [the new township], however, was not as easy for others to understand. I hope that this helps and please know that we are perfectly willing to open discussions into the matter, but maybe not in real depth until after we have moved and settled.

 -Christian

We think we found a house

We think we found a house. Strangely, I found it on Facebook. If that isn’t a sign of the times, I don’t know what is. I posted: “Tracy needs to find a house. STAT.” A friend from high school messaged me that he had a for-sale-by-owner four-bedroom with a basement in the township where we have been looking. I think everything is going to work out, but lots of things have to fall into place between now and December (closing on our current house, appraisal, inspection, etc). Wish us luck!

I tend to back into things when I am stressed, so don’t park in my driveway for a few months

I backed into my mother-in-law’s car today. Luckily I didn’t hit it hard and there was no damage. However, backing into things when I am stressed out has become a bit of a habit for me. After Noah was born and I was ex.hau.sted, I backed into my cousin Shannon’s car. Again, there was no damage, but it was a brand new car and I felt like an idiot. Another time I was on the phone having an argument with my mom and I backed into our garage door. I thought it was all the way up. It wasn’t.

This morning Noah and Zoe were in the car with me because I was taking them to school. My mother-in-law, Karen, was in the house with Colin. After I hit her car I got out and assessed that there was no damage, so I pulled away. I called her on my cell and apologized. When I got off the phone, Noah asked, “Who were you talking to Mommy?”

I told him I had been talking to Mimi and said, “I hit Mimi’s car, so I had to call her and tell her I was sorry. When you do something wrong, even when it’s an accident, you have to say you’re sorry.”

Noah said, “Well, why were you laughing when you said you were sorry? That wasn’t nice.”

I told him he was right, and I called Mimi back, explained what Noah said, and apologized without laughing. It was very hard to do, since Mimi was making fun of me and all.

When I got off the phone, I said, “Sorry guys, but Mommy is a little stressed out lately. I’m going a little bit crazy.”

Zoe said, “No, Mommy, Grandma’s crazy!” (Grandma taught them that, and it’s become a bit of a joke, so Grandma can’t get mad at me for writing it.)

I said, “You’re right, Grandma’s crazy. Mommy’s just a little crazy.”

Zoe said, “And Grandma’s A LOT crazy!”

Phew. At least someone still has me beat.

We are homeless

Well, not really, but we will be soon. We are supposed to close on our house November 23rd, and we have possession for 30 additional days. That means we have to be out by Christmas. Crap. Like there’s not enough to do around Christmas…

Ideally, we would close on a new house at the end of November and have time to move into it. So far though, we’ve not made an offer on anything. There are two houses that we really like, but we’re not sure that either of them is THE house. When we looked at our current house, we walked in and said, “This is it.” It just felt right. There are things about the two houses we are looking at now that are right, but some that we are just not sure of. If we could move one of the houses to the other’s location, we would be set.

At this point we are making lists of the pros and cons of each, and trying to come to a decision. Part of us feels like maybe it’s just that neither house is right, and that we should just be patient until we find THE house. After all, we are planning to be in this house forever, or at least until the kids move out. Honestly, we originally thought we were going to be in our current house forever, but that was when we were planning to have two biological children. Now that we have three children, including two who are minorities, we want something with a little more space and in a more diverse neighborhood. If we don’t find something, we can live with Christian’s parents or my parents for a little while, but that certainly would not be the ideal situation. Not only would it be a pain in the *ss to move twice, I would feel very bad about disrupting the kids lives twice.

I like order, stability, and having a plan. We have none of that right now, and it is freaking me the freak out! When we listed the house, Christian was certain it would sell, but I was skeptical. I really thought we were sort of testing the waters. I thought we would list now until the first time homeowner tax credit ran out, then pull the listing until spring. Kelli pointed out that I really should not be surprised. She said,

Okay, really? You are shocked? Who can say their house sold in 2 days? -the same people who completed 2 adoptions in like 2 years and more quickly than ever expected.

Yeah, I guess we do do things fast in our family. Maybe I should trade in my minivan for a Mustang. I just keep telling myself that we were freaked out when we figured out that Noah and Zoe would only be ten months apart, but we got through it and it certainly turned out to be a wonderful thing. We were REALLY freaked when we got the phone call so suddenly about adopting Colin, but we got through it and it certainly turned out to be a wonderful thing. I know this will all work out. I just need to focus on not throwing up and not sh*tting my pants one day at a time.

Out of the Mouths – Country Music

I loathe country music. Unfortunately, my parents love it, and my children are exposed to it when they are with Grandma and Grandpa.

And the kids are paying attention to the lyrics. Last night Noah said, “God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy.”

Sold

We listed our house Thursday afternoon and started getting showings within 24 hours. At 5pm today, we got an offer for list price. Now we have to move, which means we have to pack all of our crap, and find a house to which to move. I’m either going to throw up or sh*t my pants. I haven’t figured out which yet.

Out of the Mouths – Wedgies

Grandma and Grandpa taught the kids about wedgies last week. Sweet.

 

Noah: “Mommy, you would be mad if I gave you a wedgie, right?”

Me: “Yes, Honey, you’re right. I wouldn’t like that.”

Noah: “OK. I’ll wait until Daddy gets home.”

Miscellaneous Monday

I have a lot going on right now and don’t have the brainpower to write about any of it in detail, so I just thought I would share some miscellaneous stuff.

Moving:

• We are considering moving, just a few miles south of where we are now. We are looking at houses that might have a little more space and would be in a more diverse school system. Hopefully I’ll have time to write a separate post about that soon. In the meantime, I’ll just say that looking at houses, getting our house ready to sell, and thinking about mortgages and packing is stressful. We told the kids that we might move to a different house, but didn’t talk too much about it as it’s a little premature. Noah was a bit concerned about his toys, but we assured him we would pack them up and take them with us. 
• We went to look at a for-sale-by-owner house last night and took the kids with us. Before we went in, I told them not to touch anything. While we were inside, Noah said, “But I can touch the floor, right, Mommy?” Yes, Noah, I guess we technically HAVE to touch something.
• This particular house is smaller than the one we are in now, but the idea was that maybe we could buy it and add on to it because it is on a 2-acre lot with a pond. The whole house would need to be redone though, so it just wouldn’t be practical. Anyway, the kids loved the huge backyard and the pond, and they didn’t want to leave. We were going to eat after we left the house, but Zoe started to throw a fit saying, “I want to eat HERE!” The single man who lived there told her he was getting ready to put a Tombstone pizza in the oven, but that he usually ate it all himself.

At work:

• I’ve mentioned before that I work for an order of nuns who care for the elderly poor. The woman who founded the order in France in the early 1800s will be canonized (made a saint in a special mass by the Pope) this weekend. Some of our Sisters, residents, and volunteers are going to Rome. Then we are having a gigantic mass and reception on October 25th. It is a BIG DEAL, and the nuns are stressing out, which stresses me out. In addition, we have our annual bingo fundraiser this Friday, with 420 people attending. I will be SO GLAD when this month is over.

Other stuff: 

• I folded laundry for 2-1/2 hours last night. I hate laundry. Laundry sucks.
• Christian said this morning, “I’m going to kill our first-born if he keeps getting up in the middle of the night.” Noah has started getting up a million times a night to go “potty.” Believe me, this kid has a camel-bladder, so we’re not buying it. He gets up, goes “potty,” then stands in the hall doing his loud fake cough, just in case we decide we want to get up to put him back to bed. When we don’t, he finally goes back in his room. He also gets up sometimes to play. He has an obsession with these little Transformer-like balls called Bakugans right now. He always wants to out them in a cabinet in his room before he lies down. I put him down for a nap the other day, shut his door, and only took one step before I heard the magnetic latch. I opened the door back up and totally busted him.
• I love my husband, but my head is going to pop off if I have to listen to his band anymore. I made the mistake of pointing out, “This is Daddy’s band,” when one of the songs came on my iPod in the car, and now that’s all they want to listen to. Know how a favorite song can get old once Top 40 radio plays it too much? I want to scream.

Out of the mouths: “I’m gonna wear a really big one”

Zoe has had an obsession with bras lately. She was at my parents house the other day and she put one of my mom’s bras on over her clothes.  She said to my mom, “It doesn’t fit!”

Then she said, “Grandma, I’m gonna wear a bra when I get big.”

My mom said, “Yes, you will.”

Zoe said, “I’m gonna wear a big one, Grandma. A really big one!”

Favorite Photo Friday – Florida Photos: Babies and Beer

If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know that I love photos of Babies and Beer*. I’ve posted them here, here, here, here, and here. So what would my set of 10 million Florida photos be without some Babies and Beer pictures like these from our dolphin cruise?

 

And this one isn’t from Florida, but here is a recent Babies and Beer photo of our niece, Lila:

 

*DISCLAIMER: No babies actually drank beer during any of these photo sessions.

One year ago today…

One year ago today, we finalized Colin’s adoption. I remember how overwhelmed I was a year ago, after Colin came home so suddenly. We were thrilled, but overwhelmed.

Having three kids three-and-under is still overwhelming sometimes (OK, a lot of the time), but I can’t imagine it any other way. I love my family.