No crying!

We’re in week three of school for Zoe and the crying has decreased day by day. After I drop her off, I usually stand in the hallway out of sight to see how long she cries. It decreased to a few minutes, one minute, and then to just seconds, but today she didn’t cry at all! She stuck her lip out and pouted for a second, but then ran right over to the art table! Yeah!

Interestingly, Noah’s teacher told me that he cried a little the other day. Zoe’s class was on the playground when Noah’s class came out. When Zoe’s class had to go inside, Noah was not happy. He was crying because he wanted his sister to stay out there with him. Awwwwww. Such a good big brother.

Duct tape, here we come!

After reading the other morning on Mother Mother Ocean’s blog that Zubin learned to take off his own diaper, I realized that I never shared that Zoe has learned the same trick.

Last week I went to get her from her nap. As I opened the door I saw something white on the floor. Before I could say, “Please God don’t let that be her diaper,” I realized it was.

Luckily there was no poo, because she managed to make a big enough mess with just a #1. This is one time I wish I had a video monitor and could have witnessed this event, because I am having a hard time envisioning just how she did this. This is my best guess as to the sequence of the events:

1. She took her diaper off and threw it on the floor in front of the crib. Then, just for good measure, she threw her doll on the floor right next to the diaper.
2. She somehow lifted her leg like a dog to mark her territory on the crib slats. She peed down the crib slats until the pee pooled on the crossbar at the bottom.
3. Noticing the diaper and the doll on the floor, she changed directions, shooting the pee directly out the front like a fire hose, managing to soak them both. I thought only little boys had aim like that!
4. Deciding that she hadn’t quite made a big enough mess, she noticed the 4-foot stuffed caterpillar in her crib out of the corner of her eye. Knowing what a pain in her mom’s *ss it is to shove a 4-foot stuffed caterpillar in the washing machine, she squatted over its head and squeezed out the little bit of pee she had left in her.

Duct tape, here we come!

Our neglected Thailand dossier and 62 days left for Vietnam

I got home the other night and there was this giant envelope from Holt. I think my heart stopped a second. Surely they wouldn’t just send us information on our referral through the mail would they?

No. No, they would not.

Unfortunately this giant envelope had nothing to do with Vietnam or a referral. It was our Thailand packet. I got the Thailand materials via e-mail several weeks back, so this was just the official hard copy guidebook.

Our poor little neglected Thailand dossier… I haven’t even really touched it. I had the homestudy amendeded and approved by Holt, and I got the bank letter, but otherwise I haven’t done anything. It’s so unlike me. I printed out the information, put it in an envelope, and that’s where it has remained for almost two months. Normally I would have the information immediately sorted in a color-coded binder and I would have whipped up that dossier in record time.

I guess I am still delusional and thinking that we will get a referral from Vietnam. I bet if September 1st comes and goes with no referral, I’ll get my butt in gear.

Ultimately, we would just like to have a third child, and we know we will love that child no matter where he or she was born. We know that we are very, very lucky that we have other countries and domestic adoption as options. Still, we feel that the ideal situation would be to adopt another child from Vietnam. We think it would be beneficial for Zoe and her younger brother or sister to have that connection.  I read an article recently where a dad in a situation similar to ours said, “It’s great that people like Angelina Jolie can have a little United Nations and have the resources to celebrate all cultures, but we just want to be able to focus on this one.” (sigh)

Christian’s graduation party

I am a week late posting these, but better late than never I suppose. Even though he’s only graduating cum laude and not magna cum laude, I still thought Christian deserved a party.

We were really the first among our friends to get married and have kids, but we are slowly but surely getting them to join our little cult club. So, this is what a party looks like for us these days:

 

Our nephew Hudson:

 

Suzanne and Andrew’s son Max (he’s 9-months and he weighs more than Zoe!):

 

Josh and Rachel’s twins, Helen and LJ (the twins are in Noah’s pre-school class this summer, so Noah was very excited they were coming to the party):

 

Noah in his truck:

 

Noah and Zoe riding their new tricycles (Noah has mastered it, but Zoe still needs a push):

 

Zoe eating cake, and then looking like a vampire from the red icing:

 

Gratuitous “baby with beer” photos (Kurt and Hudson):

 

My family (some visiting from Florida):

 

After the kids went to bed, we did have a little bit more of a “grown-up” party, hanging out in the back yard around the fire pit. My cousin introduced me to mango vodka and Red Bull (yum) and suddenly I wasn’t as concerned with taking pictures. This is the only picture I have of Christian the whole night:

 

I don’t know what Christian was drinking, but he had enough of it that he decided it best that he sleep downstairs. See, when he drinks he snores LOUDLY. And he snored loudly enough that night that he woke up with a sore throat the next morning. But before you think he was being all chivalrous or something by sleeping on the couch, know two things:

1. When he is next to me and he starts snoring, I hit or kick him until he turns over on his stomach, so he was really just trying to avoid some serious bruising.

2. I was the one who was getting up with the kids the next morning, so he knew he better keep me happy. If he had kept me up all night with his snoring, I would have made him get up and suffer through the morning with me. I mean, come on, I’m not gonna put up with that sh*t from someone who ONLY graduated cum laude!

A Day Out With Thomas

Last Friday we went to A Day Out With Thomas. Christian, Noah, Zoe, and I went with my mom, my cousin Shannon, Shannon’s son Michael, my nephew Will, and my niece Sophia. We got to ride on a train that looked like Thomas the Train, take a ride on a “train” pulled by a tractor, visit a petting zoo, ride ponies, jump in a bounce house, etc.

For some reason, I was the Crazy Camera Lady that day. I came home with 234 photos! I won’t bore you with all of them, but here are more than a few.

Riding Thomas the Train:

 

Sophia and Grandma:

 

Michael with blue teeth from his icee:

 

Shannon shared her lemon ice with Zoe. Zoe decided Shannon was her new BFF and cuddled up.

 

It is not easy to get five kids under six to cooperate for a photo. (Notice the orange shirts? I wasn’t going anywhere with five kids under six unless they were easy to find!)

 

Pony rides:

 

I think the tractor “train” ride was made for people a little shorter than Christian:

 

Will, Michael, and Noah decided they were tired of having their pictures taken and were trying to hide from the Crazy Camera Lady:

 

Petting zoo:

 

That doesn’t look sanitary… I bet Michael smelled great when he got home.

 

Jumping in the bounce house:

Favorite Photo Friday - Belly Up to the Pool Bar (Part 2)

Wednesday afternoon Noah, Zoe, and I spent some time with Kelli at her neighborhood pool. Kelli is also waiting for a referral, and expecting one any time. It was nice to be able to spend some time with someone who gets it and is as stressed out as I am!

As you may remember, Zoe loved the pool bar on our Cabo vacation. Since Kelli’s neighborhood association didn’t think a pool bar was a reasonable homeowner expense, Zoe was stuck with the juice boxes I brought with us. I think she was a little disappointed that her juice didn’t come with fresh pineapple and a little umbrella, but she enjoyed herself anyway. How cute is she in these sunglasses?

First trip to the dentist

Noah and Zoe had their first visit with the dentist yesterday.

Let me just start by saying that I am terrified of the dentist and I really did not want to take them. I am usually near panic attack when I go to the dentist, and I have been that way for as long as I remember. So that I wouldn’t freak out in the days leading up to a dentist appointment when I was young, my wouldn’t tell me in advance that I had one. She would just show up at school to pick me up. I would start bawling crying when she picked me up, which I’m sure was not fun to deal with, but I guess she thought one car ride of crying was better than several days of it.

Now that I’m a grown up, I have to make my own dentist appointments. I make them every six months like I’m supposed to, but it usually ends up being more like seven or eight months before I actually make it in. I typically chicken out in the days before the appointment and I usually re-schedule my appointment at least three times before I actually make it there.

I have to have nitrous gas just to have my teeth cleaned. They always start me on the lowest setting, which does nothing for me. I sit there freaking out, debating whether or not to ask them to turn it up. If I ask them to turn it up, I worry that they will think I’m a junkie. If I don’t ask them to turn it up, I worry that I will start screaming hysterically if they come within five feet of me.

After I’m in tears and have decided that I’m OK with looking like a junkie, I speak up and ask them to put it on the highest setting allowed by law. Only then do I I finally calm down enough to let them look in my mouth. (I should add though that nitrous at that level makes you really dumb. After that much gas, I usually feel STUP.ID. for the rest of the day, so it’s best if I have my appointments in the afternoon.)

Anyway, I really don’t want to pass on my weird dental phobia to my children, so I decided to put on my Big Girl Panties and deal with it (after I re-scheduled once). I also made my mom go with me.

The kids (and I) did fairly well. Afterward my mom told Noah and Zoe that she was proud of them for doing such a good job. Then she told me she was proud of me for getting through it without having to take a valium.

 

Noah went first.

 

 

Zoe watched while they cleaned Noah’s teeth. She was not sure she liked what she saw.

 

Zoe was not thrilled with the cleaning part, but she got over it pretty quickly though. She was fine by the time we left.

 

I’m due to go myself in a month or so. I’m freaking out already just thinking about it. I think I have to have x-rays and everything this time. Anyone care to place a wager as to when I will ACTUALLY make it in for an appointment?

Hummers, Gators, and Cornhole

On Father’s Day we had a cookout at my uncle’s house. He and his fiancee live a few houses down from my parents, so my parents took their Hummer and Gator ride-on toys down there for the kids. Noah finally got a chance to test out his driving skills and he took his cousin Michael for a ride.

 

After Noah backed them into the shed, Michael decided he was done being Noah’s passeenger. He went to ride the Gator on his own.

 

Zoe wanted to “drive” too, but I think we’ll make sure she keeps it in park until next summer.

 

The kids also tried their hands at a game of Cornhole* (though technically I think it’s cheating to stand this close).

 

*Cornhole is a game where you toss bean bags into a raised wooden platform with a hole in it. Apparently since I am from Indiana, I should know about this game, but I’ve never played and I only first heard of it a few years ago. A guy in my core group when I was working on my master’s degree was from Nebraska (which I’m told is another another popular state for Cornhole) and was trying to explain it to me. He was a great guy, but he was a little naive, and he was SHOCKED at some of the things he found when he Googled “cornhole” to try to show me what it was.

76 days left, but who’s counting?

Only 76 days left until the September 1st deadline. I think I am going to lose my mind.

I am having a weird day. I am excited because I think we might get a referral soon, but then I feel like crying because I wonder if I am excited for no reason. I don’t want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed (again).

Our agency used to place families on “the list” for referrals based on when the homestudy was submitted. We were #33 on the list at that time. This changed in February, when word of the September 1st shut-down came. At that point, our agency asked families to submit dossiers immediately so that they could be logged in to Vietnam. The unofficial word was that dossiers logged in before September 1st would be honored (this has since changed, but could change again). While some families chose not to complete dossiers, we compiled our dossier as quickly as possible, and it was logged in to the Ministry of Justice in Vietnam on April 4, 2008. The new list was based on this MOJ log in date, putting us somewhere around #18. I know there have been referrals since then, so I really have no idea what number we are now.

However, families are matched with children based on more than just that family’s place on the waiting list. Things like the age of the child, health of the child, etc. also have to be considered. In our case, the age of the child will be a big factor. To preserve birth order and prevent “artificial twinning,” we will have to be matched with a child who is at least nine months younger than Zoe.

The reason I am excited and that I think we might have a referral soon is that a family logged in the same day as us and two families logged in after us just got referrals. Two of these children were right around Zoe’s age, so we would not have been eligible. We will just have to wait and see if the file of a child in the right age range is released for international adoption, but it is encouraging that families around us on our agency’s “list” have been matched. So, right now I am cautiously optimistic (and going out of my mind!).

Representatives from our agency are in Vietnam now, and will return July 9th. Wouldn’t it be great if they brought some good news home with them!? But I shouldn’t get my hopes up, right?

Please sign this petition

As it stands now, Vietnam will only process the dossiers of familes who have referrals before September 1st. We still don’t know if we will have a referral before that date or not. However, the Government of Vietnam said last week that they would consider processing the dossiers of all families who have dossiers logged in before July 1st, whether or not they have a referral by September 1st, IF the United States government would ask them to do so.  See, if Vietnam says they will process all of those dossiers, they need some reassurance that the United States government would cooperate and would continue to issue visas for those children to enter the United States. So, now a group of familes have started this petition to Congress asking the United States to ask Vietnam to continue to process dossiers.

This takes very little effort. Just go to this website and sign with your name and e-mail address (uncheck the box to opt out of getting future e-mails from them).

 

Here is the full text of the petition:

 

AMERICANS UNITED FOR VIETNAMESE ORPHANS – GRANDFATHERING PETITION
June 2008

Dear CCAI Co-Chairs Landrieu, Coleman, Oberstar, and Brown-Waite:

Thousands of families have been in the process of adopting a child from Vietnam for as long as 2 years. Please help them complete their adoptions and give a child an opportunity to be raised in a family environment. With the recent studies on the effects of institutionalization on children, there should be no question that a family environment is an optimal one, which every child should have the opportunity to experience.

We implore you to use your influence to procure a letter from the Dept of State and USCIS, addressed to Dr. Long, Director of the Vietnamese DIA (Dept of International Adoption). On April 25th 2008, he announced that dossiers of American families received by July 1st, 2008, and matched with a child by September 1st, 2008, will be allowed to be processed to completion. All dossiers not matched with a child will be returned to adoption service providers, dashing hopes of raising a child for the 1500-3000 American families who are in the process of adopting a child from Vietnam.

Please ask the Dept of State and the USCIS to request that Dr. Long allow all dossiers submitted by July 1,2008 to be “grand fathered” by allowing these families to receive a child referral even after Sept 1. He has indicated that he is agreeable to this request IF the Dept of State and USCIS agencies will state that they will honor this change by continuing to approve qualified I-600 (orphan petition) and I-234 (visa) applications for families matched after September 1st. Vietnamese law requires a current bilateral agreement between sending and receiving countries; the one between Vietnam and the United States will expire on September 1st, 2008. Dr Long has indicated that Vietnam would waive this requirement for the remaining dossiers, if asked to do so by the Dept of State and USCIS.

Thousands of prospective parents applied to USCIS to adopt a child from Vietnam, believing in good faith that the US and Vietnam would continue to work together to complete ethical adoptions.

Since November 2007, USCIS has implemented DNA testing and the Orphans First program. These steps should help improve confidence in the adoption process, and allow the US and Vietnam to negotiate a new MOU with the goal of becoming a Hague country. Closing the program at this point will leave 1500-3000 families and orphans in limbo for as long as two years, while Vietnam makes necessary steps towards acceptance of the Hague Convention. As the JCICS Children’s Rights Campaign of June 2008 has pointed out, if adoptions stop between the US and Vietnam, so will the backbone of humanitarian support that has helped tens of thousands of orphans who will never have the opportunity to be raised in a family environment.

We urge you to act upon this request without delay, by ensuring that the Dept of State and USCIS write this letter to Dr Long. This is a very trying time for the many families who wait month after month with little word, and we hope that their dreams of raising an orphaned child does not end in sadness.

Noah and Zoe in Grandpa’s car

As most kids do, Noah makes associations and categorizes things. Every minivan we pass is “Mommy’s car.” Every VW we pass is “Daddy’s car.” He also points out “Mimi’s car”, “Grandma’s car”, and “Grandpa’s car.”

Even though he knows other Asian girls and boys, he still says, “There’s Zoe,” when he sees pictures of Asian chidren in books (or when he’s reading blogs over my shoulder). Similarly, whenever we are out and he sees a Caucasian blonde boy age 2-6, he says, “That’s Michael” like his cousin Michael.

So how’s this for associations?: My step-dad is a salesman for a Hummer dealership, so my parents bought a Hummer ride-on toy for the grandkids. Noah saw this photo on the box and said, “There’s Noah and Zoe in Grandpa’s car.”

Favorite Photo Friday - Noah at 6 months

Noah when he was 6-months old (July 2006)

The long ride home

There was a big thunderstorm right at rush hour the other day, so getting home was not much fun. There were trees down in roads and many traffic lights out. I picked the kids up, and we slowly headed home. Neither kid was happy to be in the car that long.

Zoe whined, fake cried, kicked her legs, pulled the elastic band out of her hair, and threw her sippy cup. (The throwing of the sippy cup is pretty common. I find lovely milk splashes on the back of my van’s passenger seat all the time. I also find them all over my kitchen cabinets, stove, dishwasher, coffee table, television, entertainment center, etc.)

Noah took a different approach. He had some interesting things to say on the drive home. We were sitting in traffic, not moving much at all when Noah said, “Push the cars, Mommy! Push the cars!” Umm, Kiddo, if I had that superpower, I would definitely use it.

We finally got moving a little bit, and some jerk pulled out in front of us. When I slammed on the brakes Noah yelled, “Oh crap!”

As I was still giggling from the “Oh crap!” remark (trying not to let him know that I was giggling of course, so as not to encourage him to yell out “Oh crap!” again), he said something about “Mommy’s nipples” and I lost it. Then I realized how bizarre the comment was. First, where did that come from? What suddenly made him think about nipples? Traffic and nipples? I don’t see the connection. Second, it occurred to me that I have never had a conversation about my nipples with Noah, so where did he hear it? It’s a little weird to think that anyone else would have been talking to him about my nipples.

What the crap?!

Graduating

Last night Christian submitted his final assignment and officially completed all of the requirements for his Bachelor of Science in Business Information Systems! I am so proud of him!

Christian went to college right out of high school, but didn’t take it very seriously. After I got my master’s three years ago, he decided that his wife could not have that many more degrees than he did. He also wants Noah and Zoe to go to college, so he knew that he needed to set a good example. He decided to go back and finish, and he has been taking classes while working full time ever since. And this time he has taken it VERY seriously.

He has made all A’s except for one A-. His GPA at this school will be 3.98. His overall GPA (with the grades he transferred in) will probably be a 3.66, so he will graduate with cum laude. If he had a 3.70 overall GPA (just .04 measly little grade points more), he would graduate magna cum laude. Somewhere in this whole going-back-to-school process, Christian discovered his inner DORK perfectionist. I swear this is not the same man I married five years ago. He has been obsessed with his grades, to the point of worrying if he would get an A in a class even when he had 100% going into the last week of that class. Last night he actually said to me, “I almost want to take another elective to try to boost my GPA.”

Ah, Honey. I’m so proud of you and I’m so happy for you. I couldn’t love you any more, even if your GPA was .04 points higher.

Adjusting to school

Zoe didn’t cry when I dropped her off the first day of school, but I think maybe that’s just because she didn’t know what was going on (she did cry later in the morning, once the novelty had worn off and she realized that Christian and I weren’t there anymore). On the second day, she SCREAMED.

We dropped Noah off at his classroom first. Noah ran right in with no problem, like he had been there a million times before. As soon as he was gone, a look of concern came over Zoe’s face. As soon as we got down the hall to her room, she knew what was going on. She started crying immediately. I did what you are supposed to do and tried not to make a big deal out of it. I gave her a hug and a kiss, told her that she was OK and that I would see her later, gave her her stuffed animal, and left. Then I stood in the hallway out of her sight and listened to her cry. It was awful. Terrible. Horrible. I really hoped she would calm down quickly, but she didn’t. She just continued to cry. I finally had to leave, for my own sanity and because I was late for work.

My mom picked her up that day, and Ms. Judy said, “She cried on and off all morning, but she was OK this afternoon.” Well that’s just great. School is over at 1pm, so “this afternoon” was only an hour!

She cried yesterday, too. Not quite as bad as last Thursday, but still pretty bad. Noah cried a little when he started school last year, but not like this. He’s always been pretty independent and out-going, so I never really worried about him too much. In fact, what bothered me a little is that he DIDN’T cry when I dropped him off, since he DID cry sometimes when Christian dropped him off. What am I, chopped liver? He was sad to see his dad go, but could care less when Mommy leaves?

I know that some kids are just better at going to school that others, so I’m really trying not to let the fact that Zoe was adopted factor into this, but it still keeps creeping into my mind. Some people say that there’s a basic primal loss involved in adoption, so kids who were adopted fear further abandonment. Zoe was only 3-months-old at her G&R, so it just feels like she’s been with us “forever.” Because she was so young, I never really felt like we had problems with attachment. Still, I’m feeling a little guilty. But as my mom pointed out when Noah was a few weeks old and I was feeling guilty that breastfeeding wasn’t working out, I’m a mom now, so I’m probably going to feel guilty about one thing or another for the rest of my life.

I think birth order probably plays a lot into this too. Parents generally expect the older child to be more independent. Since Noah and Zoe are only 10 months apart, Noah had to be more self-sufficient. For example, Noah learned to climb stairs and walk holding my hand a lot earlier than Zoe did. I made him climb/walk because I was already carrying Zoe, bottles, the diaper bag, etc. I’ve realized lately that I carry Zoe around a lot more at this age than I did Noah. The fact that she only weighs 20 pounds, when Noah was 33 pounds, probably factors into it, but it’s also the fact that she’s the “baby.” I’ve been working on this and I’ve been trying to make her walk more, but sometimes it’s just easier to pick her up (I can’t get anywhere fast walking with two toddlers).

I have found myself questioning whether or not Zoe should be going to school at all. Our original thought on sending them to pre-school is that it would make it easier on my mom and Christian’s mom the days that I work (they would only have them half days instead of full days - this will be especially important once (if) our Imaginary Child ever comes home). However, since Noah has been going, I have really seen the benefits of him going. The school is wonderful, and he has gotten so much out of it. They have music class, they do art, they have a sensory table with a different activity each day, etc., and it has been great for improving his socialization and language skills.

I really don’t see us pulling Zoe out of school. I know she should go. I just hope this gets easier. OK, let me rephrase that. I hope this gets easier SOON. Christian remembers screaming for his mom and holding on to the sides of the door as they tried to push him on to the bus in elementary school. Sigh. I don’t think I can do this until elementary school.

The many faces of Zoe

The many faces of Zoe (more photos from the lake)

 

The Silly Zoe (the scrunched nose is pretty popular these days)

 

The Fake Smile Zoe

 

The “What Do You Mean I Can’t Eat the Sand?” Zoe

 

 

The “My Mommy’s Mean Because She Won’t Let Me Eat Sand” Zoe

 

The Pensive Zoe

 

The Happy Zoe

 

The Sassy Zoe

Weekend at the lake

Noah discovered the storage compartments on Grampie and Mimi’s pontoon boat

 

Zoe takes her Co-Captain responsibilities very seriously

 

On the boat

 

Splashing at the beach

 

What kind of a look is this?

 

“Riding” the Jet Ski

 

Again with the beer, Zoe?

 

This used to be Noah’s. I think he has outgrown it.

 

This castle house on the lake is kind of cool, but I’m not sure the hot tub on the roof is exactly in keeping with the medieval theme.

Favorite Photo Friday - Thumb Suckers

Zoe is a thumb sucker. She always has been. We gave her a pacifier when we were in Vietnam, but she was never really interested. She prefers her thumb. When she’s really tired, she sucks her thumb while curling her pointer finger over her nose. When she’s really really tired, she sucks her thumb while rubbing her nose with the tail of one of her stuffed animals. I know it will be a hard habit to break someday, but right now it’s pretty cute.

At the lake on Memorial Day, Zoe was lying on our bed sucking her thumb. Mimi told Zoe that she was tired too. Then Mimi snuggled up next to Zoe and sucking her own thumb. Zoe wasn’t quite sure what to think about that.

Funk

I’m in a funk today. Maybe it’s the weather. It’s dark and stormy and nasty. Maybe it’s because I’m tired. It stormed last night, so I didn’t get much sleep. The storm woke me up. Then the dog freaking out because of the storm woke me up again. Then the storm woke Noah up, and hearing him talk over the baby monitor woke me up again (luckily he went back to sleep on his own and we didn’t have to get him out of bed). I don’t remember what he was talking about, but it probably had something to do with watching Toy Story or Monsters, Inc. Man that kid has a one-track mind.

Things at work are quiet today. I’m usually not in on Wednesdays, but I switched my days off so I could take the kids to school and pick them up yesterday. It just doesn’t feel right to be here. My friend Amie, who is in the office next to me, is also off on Wednesdays so it feels weird (and boring) to be here without her. It’s just not the same talking to the nuns. Amie is the epitome of the “fiery redhead” stereotype. She gets jealous when her husband talks to other women and she throws around f-bombs in everyday conversations (not that I don’t throw around an f-bomb here and there, but it’s not exactly part of our office culture, if you know what I mean). 

Things on the Vietnam adoption front are quiet. Too quiet. Our agency had been getting regular referrals, but there has been nothing this past week or so. The clock is ticking and the September 1 deadline just keeps getting closer (It’s 88 days away, but hey, who’s counting?).

Things on the domestic adoption front are quiet, but we expected that. There’s no exact time line, but given that we are family #25, it will probably be at least a year before anything happens.

Things on the Thailand adoption front are quiet, but that’s because I haven’t really done anything for it yet. We have the amended homestudy and the bank letter, but I haven’t even started on the rest of the dossier. I haven’t been feeling really motivated to work on it because I was feeling more positive about Vietnam. I also haven’t been feeling motivated to do MORE paperwork.

I jokingly call child #3 my Imaginary Child, but today for some reason it just really feels like it’s never.gonna.happen.

I called Christian and told him I felt like playing hooky, but he didn’t take the bait. I guess I’m stuck at work doing ACTUAL WORK.  Yuck.

First day of school

Today was Zoe’s first day of school, and Noah’s first day with new teachers. They are going to a church “pre-school” on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 9am-1pm.

I called Zoe’s teacher, Ms. Judy, yesterday to tell her a little about Zoe. First, I wanted her to know that if all I send for Zoe’s lunch is fruit, it’s because that’s all she wants to eat lately, and I would rather that she eat something than nothing at all. She assured me that she had seen it all before, and that her own son only ate macaroni and cheese from age three to age five.

I also wanted her to know that Zoe got attacked by mosquitoes this past weekend. The mosquitoes must have all hatched at once, and they caught us by surprise. The kids were in the back yard a lot last week and never got a bite on them. Christian took them out there Saturday afternoon, and they were swarmed. It only took five minutes for him to realize they needed bug spray, but the damage was already done.

Finally, I wanted her to know that Zoe has Mongolian spots on her back and butt. Mongolian spots are common in Asian and African children. They are bluish spots, and they are just birthmarks, but they look like bruises. Educators are supposed to be familiar with them, but I figured it was better to be proactive and point them out ahead of time. I have heard horror stories of families who were reported for child abuse by educators or doctors who should have known better. I got a note from our doctor to include in her school file. (I also keep a copy in my wallet in case we would ever need it.)

I guess I basically wanted Ms. Judy to know that besides the fact that I only feed my daughter fruit, that she has horrible inflamed mosquito bites on her face, and that she has what look like bruises all over her back and butt, I really am a good mother!

When we got to her classroom, Zoe went right in. She didn’t seem to have any trouble at all. I hung back and took some pictures from the hallway. I was trying not to get too close, so they are a little fuzzy. She dove right into the art project and played with several toys.

   

 

When I picked her up, Ms. Judy said Zoe did have a few teary moments throughout the day. About an hour after we left, and the novelty had worn off a little, Zoe realized that Christian and I weren’t there any more. Ms. Judy said that she was always able to distract Zoe and get her interested in something, and then the tears would pass.

This is how she looked when I picked her up and got her in the car. Not smiling, but not too traumatized…

 

Apparently school wears her out, because this is how she looked about two minutes later:

 

Noah didn’t seem to have any problems adjusting to his new classroom and new teachers. He asked about Ms. Mary and Ms. Ruthann, but he was OK with Ms. Jean and Ms. Nancy too. Mostly, he was excited to see all of the “new” toys. There is also a loft in his classroom that he thinks is pretty cool.

    

 

I tried to get a picture of him at the end of the day, but this is what he did when I asked him to smile:

 

Please act today!

Please remember to contact your Senators and Congressional Representative today, tomorrow, or Wednesday.

To locate the phone numbers of your two Senators, please visit www.senate.gov. There is a scroll down menu with each state at the top right of the page.

To locate the phone number for your Congressperson, visit www.house.gov. Enter your zip code in the box at the top left of the page. You may need the extra four digits of your zip code. If you don’t know the extra four digits, go to the US Post Office website and enter your address.

Remember that the phone call is the most important part. You should say something like this: “I/we urge the Senator/ Congressperson to join the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Co-Chairs and sign their letter to Secretary Condoleezza Rice in support of the recommendations found in Joint Council’s A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam.” If they have not heard about the Campaign, ask them to contact the Congressional Coalition for Adoption Institute at 202-544-8500 or Joint Council on International Children’s Services at 703-535-8045.

After you have placed the phone calls, our adoption agency has made it easy to send the e-mails. Just go to this website and fill in your information (again, you will need your Zip+4). The body of the e-mail is already there, but please add a personal message at the end to make it more effective.

Random thoughts

I am a grown woman. I have a so-called professional career and everything. So why do I find myself humming, “It’s the Wiggles, the Wiggles, dancing with their friends. It’s the Wiggles, the Wiggles…,” while I am sitting in my office?

~~~~~~

Christian was in the bathroom for a while the other night. I thought he was just pooping with the door open again, but when I walked by, he was cleaning the toilet! I love it that I have a husband who helps with the cleaning, so I tell him he’s sexy when he’s doing it. (It’s much sexier than pooping with the door open.)

~~~~~~

Both of my children have had big breakthroughs in their language skills recently. Noah is talking in more complex sentences. Zoe added 20 words to her vocabulary in a week. Of course I’m proud, but conversations like this one also have me concerned that we watch too many Disney movies.

Noah: “Watch Toy Story please, Mommy?”

Me: “No Buddy. No Toy Story right now. Let’s do something else.”

Noah: “Please Mommy? Woody and Buzz Lightyear?”

Me: “No. Not right now.”

Noah: “How ’bout Monsters, Inc?”

Zoe: “Mike Wazowski” (For those who aren’t Disney fans (or parents who are forced to watch Disney movies all of the time) Mike Wazowski is the round green guy with the big eyeball. I swear she said it, and it sounded exactly like the little girl in the movie.)

Favorite Photo Friday - Babies and Beer

Someone will probably flame me for this and leave nasty comments, but I think that photos of babies with beer cans are hysterical. Here are some of my favorites:

Noah at 3 months (in his AC/DC t-shirt from Uncle Charlie)

 

Zoe last weekend

 

Zoe trying to share her tasty beverage with her four-week-old cousin Dolby

 

Note: The babies are not actually drinking the beer. The cans are empty. Of course we drank the beer first, Silly! (Well, Daddy drank the beer. Miller Lite is his flavor. Mommy is more of a Coors-Light-Silver-Bullet kind of girl.)

Multiracial in America

MSNBC.com has a great set of videos about being Multiracial in America. It’s part of their Gut Check America series. Christian and I just sat and watched all of them together. We both highly recommend them.

Apology to a Wal-Mart employee

Dear Wal-Mart Employee:

It is very difficult to shop with a two-year-old and a one-year-old. Usually I put the one-year-old in the cart’s seat and the two-year-old in the basket. The one-year-old decides that she doesn’t want to sit down, and since the seat belts on the carts are usually broken, I can’t strap her in. The two-year-old decides that he doesn’t want to share his space in the basket with the products I need to purchase, and tries to throw them out of the cart. I’ll spare you the rest of the details, but just know that it’s generally not a pretty site.

I thought it would be easier if my mom went with us too. It probably was a little bit better, but still hectic. Since there were two of us adults, we took two carts. I put the two-year-old in the seat of my cart, which made him mad because he is used to riding in the basket. My mom put the one-year-old in the seat of her cart, but couldn’t get her to stay sitting down because the seat belt was broken. My mom also isn’t used to shopping with the little ones, so she didn’t know the cardinal shopping-with-little-ones rule that you have to park the cart far enough away from the merchandise so that the little ones can’t pull products off the shelves and place mystery items in the cart.

Anyway, I have rambled. The point of my letter was to apologize to you. We went in the store with two sippy cups of milk, but came out with only one. We realized that said sippy cup was missing at the checkout. It crossed my mind that we could go back through the store to look for it, but what little energy I had left was expended when I had to sneak the musical Thomas the Train toothbrush and broken Bob the Builder potty seat out of our cart without the two-year-old seeing me do it (we did not need those items). So, when you find a yellow sippy cup of stinky, chunky milk somewhere in your store next week, I am sorry. You can just throw it away. We don’t need it back.

Sincerely,
Tracy (Noah & Zoe’s mom, remorseful Wal-Mart shopper)

Memorial Day weekend at the lake

We spent Memorial Day weekend at Lake James. It was too cold to swim, but we did get to take several rides on Grampie and Mimi’s new pontoon boat. Grampie let Noah drive the boat for a while.

 

Noah got an important call while we were out, but luckily he’s good at multi-tasking.

 

Zoe liked driving the boat too, but she enjoyed just being along for the ride as well.

 

She also enjoyed her time just hanging out on the deck.

 

We got a few projects done while we were there. Noah “helped” his dad hang some shelves and put together an airport to go along with the train table in Grampie and Mimi’s basement.

 

Grampie got a new fire pit for his birthday. Noah and Zoe thought the fire pit was OK, but they had more fun playing in the box it came in with Uncle Kurt.

 

As you can see from these pictures I took on the car ride home, we were a bunch of tired monkeys by the time we left.

Please note that there is no sleeping photo of the little dog. She, of course, was panting, whining, and pacing, even after three “happy pills.”

Pre-school celebration

Last week was Noah’s last with his 2’s pre-school class. The school had an end-of-the-year family celebration with a pitch-in, music, pony rides, and a mini petting zoo.

At first Noah and Zoe looked on with uncertainty at the petting zoo animals.

 

 

After some encouragement from their dad and their cousins Madison, Michael, and Olivia, they decided it was OK to get close to the baby goats and the bunny.

 

We couldn’t convince Noah to ride the pony (perhaps he remembered his first “pony” ride), but after a little hesitation we persuaded Zoe to try it out. She must have decided that she liked it, because once we were finished going around the little circle and I took her off the pony, she THREW A FIT. She started screaming, arching her back, and kicking her legs. She was p*ssed. She throws the occasional fit at home, but this was the first big public fit she has thrown, so I was a little caught of guard.

Luckily, there was a guy there with all kinds of musical instruments who was able to win her over. The pony was long fogotten as she shook all of the noise makers and played the washboard.

    

 

Noah has been in pre-school two days a week since August, but Zoe has never been. Summer sessions start next week, and Zoe will go to school for the first time. I hope she doesn’t expect pony rides every time she goes.

 

Favorite Photo Friday - This is your dog on drugs

Our dog Ally is a little high strung, and that’s putting it mildly. She FREAKS OUT on car rides. She pants and whines and is a general pain in the butt. She jumps from one seat to the next, pacing from the back of the van to the front, and back again.

Our vet suggested that we give her a “happy pill” when we go on long trips. Christian’s parents have a lake house that is 2 1/2 hours away, and we go a lot in the summer, so we thought that was a good idea. Call me crazy, but I think 2 1/2 hours in the car with a panting, whining, pacing dog; another dog; and two toddlers warrants happy pills for everyone.

Our other dog, Toby, freaks out during thunder storms. We have given him these happy pills before, and it worked like a charm. He is about 70 pounds, and we give him one pill. Ally is only 15 pounds, so surely one pill would be plenty, right? Nope. Not even close. After one pill, she is just as high strung as ever. With the OK of our vet, we experimented with a higher dosage. We’ve now discovered that three pills seems to do the trick. She still pants and whines a little, but she’s much more mellow.

Unfortunately, once we get to the lake and her adrenaline wears off, she can’t walk straight. All she can do is lay on the back of the couch looking like this: 

Please support A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam

Dear Friends and Family-

As many of you know, we adopted our daughter Zoe from Vietnam in March 2007. We are hoping to adopt another child from Vietnam, but the Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) between the United States and Vietnam is set to expire on September 1st. If this agreement expires before a new one is reached, not only will our hopes of adopting another child from Vietnam be jeopardized, but many of the orphaned children in Vietnam will be left vulnerable. Please join us by supporting A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam.  

The U.S. Department of State has expressed concerns related to corruptive practices associated with intercountry adoption between the U.S. and Vietnam.  In response to their concerns, the Department of State will allow the functional closure of adoptions on September 1, 2008, and thereby end one of the most basic of human rights: the right to a safe, permanent, and loving family.

We are personally very concerned with the ethics of the Vietnam program, and we have spoken out about the program and our former agency on our blog. You can read some of the entries here:
Corruption in Vietnam adoptions
We would not recommend ADOPPT Inc
Christian’s take
How much corruption in adoption is OK?
Searching for Zoe’s birth family

However, we still believe that ethical and transparent adoptions are possible in Vietnam. We do not think that closing the program entirely is the answer. There are agencies and professionals doing valuable work in Vietnam, who have the best interests of the children at heart. Not only will those orphans eligible for adoption continue to suffer the detriments of orphanage life, so will thousands of other orphans and vulnerable children.  This is because the service providers engaged in finding U.S. families for Vietnamese orphans also provide and finance a myriad of services to the most vulnerable of children.  As a result, the end of intercountry adoption with Vietnam also brings the end of social services such as family preservation and counseling.  It also marks the end of humanitarian services such as educational sponsorships, clean water programs, and many health related initiatives.

End corruption, not a child’s right to a family:

We support the Joint Council on International Children’s Services (JCICS) in the belief that the solution is not the termination of adoption and elimination of a child’s right to a family.  Joint Council, its Member Organizations, NGO’s including Ethica-a leading voice for ethical adoption, the Vietnamese government and Members of the United States Congress firmly believe that the solution is a rational child-centered approach designed to strengthen services, regulate providers and prosecute violators.  JCICS recommends that a new agreement be negotiated with an effective date of September 1, 2008, which will remain valid until the Hague Convention is in full force in Vietnam. The new agreement should include Hague principals, child protection systems, and standards of practice. Read the full list of recommendations here.

How you can help:

1. Send an e-mail in support of A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam to advocate@jcics.org no later than May 30th. Your e-mail will be included in a petition to Congress. Tell JCICS that you support their campaign to continue ethical and transparent adoptions in Vietnam.

2. On June 2nd, 3rd or 4th, please contact your Congressional Representatives and Senators and ask them to support A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam.

a. Call both of your U.S. Senators and your Representative in the U.S. House of Representatives. You can find your Senators’ phone numbers and email address at www.senate.gov. There is a scroll down menu with each state at the top right of the page. You can find your Representative’s phone number and email address at www.house.gov. Enter your zip code in the box at the top left of the page.

b. Include the following in your calls and emails.

“I/we urge the Senator/Congressperson to join the Co-Chairs of the Congressional Coalition on Adoption and sign their letter to Secretary Condoleezza Rice in support of the recommendations found in Joint Council’s A Child’s Right Campaign for Vietnam.”

If they have not heard about the Campaign, ask them to contact the Congressional Coalition for Adoption Institute at 202-544-8500 or Joint Council on International Children’s Services at 703-535-8045.

c. Send an email to everyone you called. The e-mail is important, but the phone call should be placed first.

 
Thank you for your support of our family and of the orphaned and vulnerable children of Vietnam. Please remember to contact JCICS no later than May 30th, and to contact your Congressional Representatives and Senators on June 2nd, 3rd, or 4th.

Sincerely,
Christian and Tracy

 

Yes, we know she’s beautiful

Zoe is beautiful. I know this. But even though it’s true, it’s starting to get a little annoying that we hear it so much.

I know this probably sounds silly to some people, but the reason it bothers me is that people say it so much because she’s Asian and because she’s “different.” I’ve wondered if I’m being too sensitive, but it’s really just started to get under my skin. I asked Christian about it last night, and he said it’s started to bother him too. I mean, we hear it A LOT.

I’m not just talking about the people who say, “What a beautiful little girl,” or “She’s a cutie,” and then move on (even though it’s slightly annoying that I know we hear this far more than we would if she was Caucasian). I’m talking about people who swoon over Zoe. They make a REALLY BIG DEAL about it. They say how beautiful she is over and over until it becomes obnoxious.

I’ve had people tell me that Noah is cute, but not like this. At first I thought maybe it was just the difference of having a boy and a girl and that girls just get more attention, but that’s not it. This is an example of a recent conversation at a party:

Woman: “She is so beautiful. What a beautiful little girl.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Woman: “No, I mean it. She is just so beautiful. Gorgeous. She’s so petite and she has those delicate little features.”
Me: “Yes, thank you” as I walk away.

She finds me 10 minutes later.
Woman: “Tracy, she is just beautiful. She’s so pretty.”
Me: “Yes, thank you.”
Woman: “No, seriously, she is SO beautiful.”
Me: “Yes she is. Thank you” as I walk away.

She found me again 5 minutes later, and then 15 minutes after that. She just would not leave us alone. AN.NOY.ING. (Although I have to admit it wasn’t as bad as the woman who told Kelly, “I mean seriously, your daughter is so f@^*ing cute.” I’ve had people stress to me how adorable Zoe is, but they’ve never cursed at me while doing it.)

The worst is when someone says, “She’s just like a little China doll.” I have heard this a few times. First, she’s not from China. Second, she’s not a doll or an object to be desired or adored. She’s an actual living human child who talks, smiles, laughs, screams, eats, poops, and picks her nose.

What I love is when someone comments about my “beautiful children” or my “beautiful family.” That’s a true compliment.

 

P.S.: I’m going to have to be careful that all of the attention doesn’t go to Zoe’s head as she gets older. My mom told me that I was beautiful all the time when I was little. So, when complete strangers would say, “You’re a beautiful little girl,” I would reply, “I know.” I mean, my mom said it all the time, so I knew it was true! My mom had to explain modesty to me very quickly.

P.P.S.: I also don’t want Zoe to just hear that she is beautiful. Whenever I tell her she’s pretty or she’s beautiful, I make it a point to tell her she’s strong and smart, too. Similarly, I will follow my friend Rachel’s example and tell my daughter that “princesses” are smart, that they go to college, and that they don’t need princes to “save” them.